Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~Mark Twain

I thought I would come here and blog daily about my ten day… whatever it is… cleanse? detox? But that proved difficult. Not because I didn’t have time, but because every single thought I had during the day was consumed with food. What can I have, what can’t I have. Have I had a lot of calories, or am I semi-starving myself? Am I hungry? Can I even do this for ten days?

I have the rest of today and tomorrow. I can do this.

It’s been such and an up and down emotional roller-coaster of fighting myself for control. I felt that I lacked support from my doctors and that was hard (I called with a question – and important one – on Wednesday morning and didn’t hear back until Friday afternoon). I feel like if I am going on something so strict for a specific ten days, I should have access to support from my doctor (since the whole thing is her idea) – esp. when my fucking kidneys ache. Luckily I recognize the pain of a kidney stone, so I don’t believe it was one (or if it was, suuuuper small), but still… if a patient complains of achy kidneys, call the fuck back!

It’s been an intense struggle of you can do this for ten days, it’s not that long vs who the fuck is she to meet with me twice and then tell me what to do. In case you were wondering, I don’t like being told what to do. I mean work-tasks are just that, work, but this… this is different.

This weekend was the most difficult – my dad cooking danish meatballs, having to skip the soccer party because of the food and alcohol, needing the fuel/energy to play my own soccer game, etc. I won’t do this again for ten days. Maybe three days to get back on track, but ten days is just miserable. It’s opened my eyes to just how much and how often (and where) people eat. But I would say 90% of my thoughts the last ten days have been about food. It’s also opened my eyes to what all goes into food, and I certainly appreciate things that are fresh and without preservatives – which can be hard to find anymore. As for sweets, I crave more decadent things – I have the urge to bake a nice chocolate cake rather than a cheap candy bar.

We’ve tried some new things – some that have really turned out to be tasty and some that… I still just can’t do the textures (*ahem* mushrooms). But baked/mashed squash was particularly tasty. We also tried mashed cauliflower which… if doctored with things I can’t have, could be… okay, but not high on my repeat list. And last night, roast brussels sprouts with a balsamic vinegar syrup which was actually pretty good.

I’m also getting used to the breakfast shake and will probably just add a little more fruit to taste once we’re back from thanksgiving. I’m not a big breakfast person to begin with and doing the shake takes the guesswork out of what to grab in the morning. It’s quick and full of good things for me. It’s a little bland as-is, but with a whole banana instead of half, and maybe some berries of some kind, it might actually be enjoyable.

And I have to say, I don’t really miss traditional carbs – bread, pasta, potatoes. We did to sweet potato and yams the past week, but without a little butter to help spread the cinnamon, it was a little…. dusty going down.

So. A good lesson? Yes. Would I recommend it to someone else needing a kickstart when other things aren’t working? Yeah, probably – though I’d suggest cutting back on the coffee/sugar a few days before rather than go cold turkey. And do yourself a favor and relax on the sports/workout those ten days.

So dear body, please have learned how to burn fat. I would appreciate it muchly.
And for fuckssake, someone get me a mocha!

“Subdue your appetites, my dears, and you’ve conquered human nature.” – Charles Dickens

I’ve debated back and forth on posting about this or not. I’ve always been quiet about my weight issues (because hey, I’m funny, pay attention to that, not what I look like), but maybe putting things down in writing, where a.) others can see that I’ve not just got my head stuck in the sand, and b.) I can feel a bit of accountability during my struggles… I’ve decided to post here. I’ve struggled most of my life, and while I’ve certainly had more to eat than I should, I’m not someone who has just sat around and let this happen. I played sports growing up and even my pediatrician wasn’t sure why I wasn’t losing weight. I do harbor some… irritation that between him and my mom, no one thought to dig deeper into why my body didn’t reflect my sports activities. And now that I finally have health insurance, I’m taking over my care. I’ve picked my own doctor, asked my own questions and I’m doing it my way. If this first approach works, then… while I’ll be happy, I’m also sad/mad/irritated. I didn’t have to be the fat kid in high school and I feel like certain things in life would be a lot different if I didn’t have this excess weight to carry around.

This first round of blood results show that I have an astronomical high amount of leptin in my body (and estrogen, though that could be a result of the weight). A hormone that regulate metabolism, appetite, etc. I’m not sure how it first starts (could just be a basic mutation that my body doesn’t recognize the leptin so it just keeps making it). So my body doesn’t know how to burn fat. It knows (has learned, or just how my body chemistry works) how to burn sugar. Which is why I’m assuming my blood sugar is normal (and let me point out that my cholesterol is perfect, too). So basically I’m going on a two week ‘cleanse’. I’m cutting out everything except for certain proteins and fibrous vegetables. And breakfast is a shake with protein, vitamins and minerals.

It won’t be fun, or easy or… whatever. I can’t have coffee or dairy, either. So while my wallet applauds the fact that I am temporarily breaking up with Starbucks, I can feel the caffeine headache starting already.

I’m starting to look for new, basic veggie recipes – and I suspect that celery with almond butter will become a staple. Salmon and chicken I can also do (and can enjoy without ‘sauces’. I prefer my chicken with a little lemon juice and maybe chilli powder or something. But my shopping list of food allowed is pretty tiny. Apologies in advance if I seem on edge or snappy.