It’s no secret that life has been a royal bitch lately – the headaches come and go, but seem to be more or less stress related (funny how they mostly disappeared in Poland and came right back once I was in Denmark) than anything else.

I had a bit of a light-bulb moment the other day while I was waiting for the bus with a friend. The last few months in Denmark have been really lonely. I had a great support system of friends when I was here before, but this time around it’s been virtually non-existent (which is hard when you’re contemplating such a huge shift in your life and the only people who seem to want to look at the pros/cons are available online only). But as I was waiting for the bus, my friend said something that really stuck out. Maybe people, my friends, are hesitant to really commit to a friendship because I’m always on the move – and why put the effort in when I’ll be gone again before long.

It makes sense, I guess, that I’ve created some of this loneliness for myself. But with the vast choices of social media – facebook, twitter, email, etc… keeping in touch isn’t much of an effort. I can’t tell if you’re writing me whilst nekkid, so you don’t even need to make the effort to put pants on.

My last week in Denmark before England I reached out to several people in order to catch up/say goodbye and while two were able to meet up (one postponed, but at least it happened) the others cancelled, couldn’t make time or ignored my invite all together.

My goodbye to my roommate (who I used to grab dinner or lunch with on occasion) was done through a letter because I felt as if she was borderline ignoring me for the last week and conveniently was in the bathroom for a shower as I was getting ready to leave. Under normal circumstances I likely would have put up a fight, said something, done something, but I just don’t have the energy for that. I’m sorry if my leaving pissed her off, but it had nothing to do with her.

So I guess part of it is my fault, bouncing around back and forth between Denmark and the US. Maybe it’s because I was gone two years instead of the one I had originally planned on, I don’t know. But a little effort from other people would be nice as well.

At what point does one step back, throw hands up and say ‘I’m done putting all the effort in’ and walk away? Not that I’m going on a massive unfriending spree on Facebook (let’s be honest, if you aren’t friends on Facebook, it’s not legit), but at what point does on say they are doing putting the effort in to a one-sided friendship? It’s not as easy as it seems, not when they someone has been such a great friend before. I almost left without telling some people that I was leaving. And honestly, people would’ve more likely figured out I was back in the US by a random Facebook tag rather than being unable to get ahold of me in Denmark.

Now that I’m in England and have been able to step back and look at everything from a new angle, I guess part of it is my fault, bouncing around back and forth between Denmark and the US. Maybe it’s because I was gone two years instead of the one I had originally planned on, I don’t know. But a little effort from other people would be nice as well. Three people from various parts of England 3+ hours away have driven up to see me while I’m in town visiting Amy (well, of course they want to see Amy too, but they are doing it while I’m here too). One person from Sweden had already been in the UK twice (and already saw Amy) in November and she flew in for the weekend to see me. And that’s eye opening when people couldn’t set aside two hours for a cup of coffee or a beer in Copenhagen. Eye opening and a little painful.

Last full day in Manchester. I has a sad.

Less than 24hours in England and flat!Gibbs has already found himself a red head. What a player. So far I’ve met some lovely NCIS fans and over the next 3 days I’ll be meeting a few more!

The flight was pretty good, though a bit bumpy toward the end. I feel like I have this Pavlovian response to getting on a plane though, because as soon as I’m seated, I start to yawn and my first thought is to nap. But for a flight that lasted just over an hour and 40 minutes, there wasn’t much time to nap once I finished my magazines.

We landed a good 30 minutes early (everyone showed up on time so we left CPH 10 minutes early) and then the conditions we good, so we knocked off a little time that way. Lisa and Amy picked me up and I got the grand tour of Manchester (I think?) as we took our time to get back to Amy’s flat. Merry Christmas, Lisa, I’m going to mail you a map. 😉

 

 

I went for a last walk through Roskilde today. I’ve had so many wonderful (and frustrating) times in that city.

I started at the cathedral. I’ve written about it several posts back – I consider it my ‘safe’ place, a place where I can go and sort through my thoughts. It seems to be the only place I’ve found (so far) where my inner monologue seems to quiet long enough for me to relax. And I don’t think it’s because it’s a church, I think it’s because of the age and the way it always makes me think of the people before me who have stood in the same exact space. Standing in the center of something so old, something that has stood for so long… maybe it just makes everything else seem so minor in comparison? I don’t know. Religion could be a part, but I’m not sure. I won’t say it isn’t, but I have a hard time associating ‘places’ with religion – I’m a believer that religion is a personal/inner thing, so going somewhere specific for worship is beyond me. When I’ve gone to the occasional service at the Domkirke, the biggest thing I’ve felt is when the choir sings and the lights are out and I feel transported back to the middle ages. People pushing religion is another issue I have with mass gathering for worship. From what I’ve seen, I feel like a lot of the people who are more involved with pushing religion tend to be those that worry more about what others are doing rather than what they are doing. And that goes for all religions. But I digress…

Anyway, I spent a good two hours at the cathedral today. It wasn’t packed, but just ahead of me was a german couple who thought it was cute that their toddler was wobbling around and experimenting with the acoustics of the various chapels. Sure, cute to you, but obnoxious to me. An 800 year old cathedral is not the place. Then, right behind me was a tour group with a guide, and I swear they were following me around, talking loudly every time I’d settle into a good flow of photo taking. Finally I just went and found a place to sit until they were far enough ahead. I hate going out of order when I’m exploring. I have a specific order of the chapels to visit and I refuse to break routine – don’t ask.

Afterward I continued down the shopping street, past interpool (i’ve had more than a few beers there), down to Gimle and where Maria used to live. Then I headed up toward where Helgi used to live and turned up the street toward the park behind my old place on eriksvej. It all pretty much looked the same, I think my room was even empty. There was house just down the street that seems to have burned down at one point – only the foundation remains. I wonder what happened?

And now I’m trying to pack for two different occasions, both for home and for the UK. Suitcase space is prime real estate in these parts!